Saturday, January 26

Moving Forward

It's been almost four months since my last relationship had ended, and until now I have to admit it's still kind of hard to accept the truth. There are times when I think back and ask myself what could have been, what would have happened had the relationship not end. There are also moments when I replay our fondest memories in my head just so I can savor it, just to be reminded that those were all that's left of us, memories. Call it a masochistic act or some form of self-induced apathy training, but basically for the past few months I've been doing that stuff over and over and over again. People tell me that's it's gonna be alright, that everything happens for a reason, and all the other generic words of comfort one gives to a bereaved heart, but it's just not that simple. 

As much as I can I try to be busy with other things, try to enjoy my life for a brief moment, but at the end of the day I still find myself wondering, hoping, missing. I've been trying to convince myself that it's all part of the healing process. I say to myself that in order for me to have peace I must first experience pain, but the reality of it is not that easy to accept.

As part of the healing process, I'm allowing myself to write again. Perhaps this way I can channel all the bottled-up emotions and pour it into something creative, if not then something productive or whatever. Anyways I hope I can keep this up. I've missed writing, and many other things that I used to do.

I guess in time I will get better, and learn to accept that what had happened, happened for a reason. By then I'd have become more mature, my brain a little smarter, heart a little tougher. By then I'd have had ample time for myself and had given myself a chance to do things for me.

It all begins here and now. This is it. The first step.