For My Alter-ego

It's already 2:30 AM and much to my dismay, I still can't quite force myself to sleep. It has been a really weird evening for me, and much of it came from eating at a very expensive restaurant with my friends. She was there of course, constantly reminding me of her strong presence as she sat beside me all throughout the course of the evening.

Maybe this is the reason why at 2:30 in the morning I'm staring at my laptop, thinking of words to fill the space inside the box of my blog's post creator.

Perhaps what's bothering me is that she will be going to her hometown for the semester break, or perhaps it's because we have cheer dance practice tomorrow that's why I'm bothered. I am not really sure though, but all I can say is the second one is least likely the reason.

Certain scenes play through my mind as I think of the inevitable, and though how much I try to just shrug them off, they keep repeating themselves, each time in more vivid detail.

I know I am not supposed to be like this, and I've been willing myself real hard not to because I know that things will never turn out quite the way I want it to be. It's a constant struggle, but I know that I can keep it up. I like the way we are now, I like what I'm doing for her and perhaps she appreciates them as well.

I'm really not making any sense here, my thoughts are all jumbled up inside my head that I can't seem to organize them to really express what I want, but just can't quite say. I guess it'd be better this way though, thoughts just jumping out of nowhere, freeing my mind of stress and relieving my senses of this heavy, sad feeling.

I'm already babbling out here, so I guess I'm gonna cut it sort this time.

I hope you can post something in response to this soon.

How To Mend A Broken Heart

This isn't original, so for the benefit of those who want to know where I got this article, I got this here.

I put this article here for the purpose of letting my friend read this. I'm sure you know who you are. So I suggest you take the time to read the things listed here.


There isn't a sure-fire way to mend a broken heart but there are definitely things you can to do to make it feel a bit lighter and ready for new love. First, allow yourself to feel what you need to and take all the time in the world to get over the person. For some people it may only take a few weeks to move on and others years. However long it takes, be okay with that. The ideas below are not meant to cover up your loss but rather to help your healing process so you can move on and enjoy being single for awhile!

1. Throw a small party. The fun of letting loose and being surrounded with your close friends can make anyone feel better.
2. Gather everything that reminds you of your past love and put it in a box specifically for this. Then give it to a friend or store it somewhere where you won't see or think about it. When you're ready you can either throw away the box or keep it for memory's sake.
3. Start a new exercise or well-being plan. It never hurts to take time to look good!
4. Start a daily journal, even if it's on your computer. Somewhere everyday take the time to jot down whatever comes to mind. The idea in starting a journal is not to write cleverly or even about anything important. Just write (or type) whatever comes to mind even if your journal starts to look like this: "Went shopping yesterday for a new book oh yea need to e-mail Susan, the flowers on that window sill need watering." The point of your journal is to clear your thoughts. In a few weeks you will be able to read your entries to discover new things and trends about yourself.
5. Join a new interest group. It's never to early too meet new friends and, at least this way, you'll already have one thing in common.
6. Learn something new. Take a foreign language or art course, or buy a how-to computer program.
7. Pick out an inspirational book or movie to read or watch whenever you start feeling down or depressed.
8. Take yourself out on a date, even if it's a night alone watching your favorite programs and eating your favorite foods.
9. Do the things you said you always wanted to do when you were with your partner but somehow never did.
10. Get a new look.
11. Pick up a calendar and fill out the next 3 months with social events you'd like to attend or things you'd like to do. Browse your city's web site or the entertainment section of your local newspaper to find out ideas, dates and times.
12. Spend a "comfy" day. Get out your favorite comfy clothes, pillow, blanket, etc. and just spend the day relaxing doing whatever you want!
13. Get a pet or plant to take care of.
14. Rent a few romantic movies or read a few romance novels to remind yourself that love does still have happy endings.
15. Write a goodbye poem or letter. Then stick it in a bottle and throw it out in the sea or attach it to a helium balloon to be carried away.
16. Do something you wouldn't normally do to celebrate your "singleness."
17. Redecorate your space. Start off by cleaning out everything and throwing away anything you don't use or need anymore. Make a few self-indulgent decorating additions like a few candles, a favorite painting or fresh flowers!
18. Visit a new city. Pick some place you've always wanted to go or some place closer to home to save money.
19. Spend time with your friends.

Another Attempt

“He’s just a friend! Why do we have to argue about it when he just offered me a ride home? It was raining and I didn’t have an umbrella. What was I supposed to do Pete, walk in the rain?” Tears fall slowly down the girl’s face as she braces herself for another heated argument with her boyfriend.

“I understand Jane, but you know how things are today, first you start off as officemates, then you start to hang out, and the next thing you know, you’re out the door without even as much as an explanation.” He is leaning against the wall, face rugged and unshaved, eyes sunken; an indication that last night’s attempt at sleep was unsuccessful.

“God, why are you so paranoid?” She’s shouting now, willing to pit her temper against his.

“Babe, I’m sorry. It’s just that, I can’t stand losing you. You know how I tell you that you’re the one person that understands me. I would have gone nuts a long time ago if it wasn’t for you.” Her plan worked, as always, for a little shout from her would always settle him down. She always used this trick every time they had an argument, and her friends would often tell her that it was her talent, being able to control men.

She walks slowly toward him, and then gently puts her palm on his face. He puts his hand to where hers are, and then with his other hand pulls her closer. He hugs her with all his love, silently wishing time would stop and freeze them like this.

“I’d never leave you babe, trust me on that. You’re my only one and I’ll never trade you for another, I promise that.” She whispers in his ear, a promise that was reckless and without sincerity. But he didn’t notice it, not a single hint.

Memories like this one come back to him night after night. Pictures of her face race through his mind as he recalls each moment they had together. He still remembers that last argument vividly, as if it happened only yesterday. The look on her face as she was trying to calm him down from being jealous at her officemate, the feel of her skin as they held each other tightly, her voice as she told him she’d never leave.

It’s been a year since the argument happened though; and almost a year since she walked out the door of the apartment they were sharing, trading what they had going for an illicit affair with her officemate/new boyfriend. He never really saw it coming, though most of their friends already did. They’d tell him to watch her closely because she was spending too much time with the guy, but he knew that if he’d question her about it, it would only lead to another argument, the last thing he’d want in the world.

She left on the day of their 3rd anniversary. He planned to surprise her by cleaning and setting up the apartment for a cozy, candlelit dinner. After which, he wanted to take her out and propose to her in the park where they’d met. He had everything set up out there, calling up most of his buddies for help as he was about to take a big step in their relationship.

Tough luck though, that it was during this day that she found out that she was 3 weeks pregnant, and he was not the father.

An Attempt

You know you've been a fool all this time, trying to impress that ONE GIRL, yet never really living up to her standards. Though you know you have no chance, you're still there in the background, supporting her and doing stuff for her that you wouldn't even do for your own girl. Yes, you do have one, just in case you forgot.

Despite this fact though, you just can't shake the feeling that you have for this ONE GIRL. You feel it is your duty that she experiences happiness, enjoys life, become successful and moreover, find love. You have silently vowed that you will become her own personal knight, always there to protect her, always there to offer your everything, always there to make her feel she's special.

You never really ask for anything in return, just seeing her smiling gives you renewed strength to continue what you do. You know you're efforts are futile, you know that ONE GIRL would never realize your worth, but you know as well that you're never gonna get tired.

Just hold on there, stick it out to the end, my friend. Though that ONE GIRL will never see you the way you are, it doesn't really matter, as long as you are happy with what you do and out of it you make another person happy.

This is an attempt at writing for a very special friend. Hang in there man, I'm sure there will be better things to come your way.

A Little Frustration

It's one of those nights when I badly want to write something, but nothing comes out of my head. Do you ever feel like this sometimes? I mean, when you're just lying in bed and not thinking much about writing anything, all sorts of ideas just pop out of your mind. But when you pick up your pen or laptop or anything where you can put those ideas into words, they just disappear without a trace. That's what I have been feeling these past few months. Since the start of the semester, I have never done anything to exercise my writing, and I feel that because of this, my talent is slowly slipping away. That's why I seriously need to practice and practice more, or else this God-given talent would just fade away without me putting it to good use. The question is, can I do it?